Mom had told us she wrote her obituary on her 'computer'. In her passing we searched her account on our home computer trying to find it. Well, today I(Tara) found it. On her personal LAPTOP! So here I am posting the obituary she wrote for herself all the while hitting myself on the forehead . . .
Lori Lea Ludman (nee Lumley)
March 4, 1964, to __________________, 2009
When you read this, you will know that my struggle against pancreatic cancer has been lost. Don’t mourn for me too much; I have been delivered from a life of pain and have gone for my Big Sleep.
I was born In Lloydminster, SK, to Cynthia (nee McLaren) and Melvin Lumley, the first of two daughters. I had a wonderful childhood, living in town and yet being able to spend lots of time on my grandparents’ farm. I had the best of both worlds.
I graduated with honours from high school in 1982 and went immediately to work for D.A. Cleal and Associates as an optometric assistant. In 1984, I met Cliff, who would be the love of my life. In 1986, he proposed both marriage and moving to Winnipeg, both of which I agreed to, and we arrived here in August of 1986, marrying on August 2. My first few months here were tough because I was very homesick.
My first job here was at Overhead Door of Winnipeg where I worked until 1990 when my eldest daughter, Kyra, was born, and I quit to take up the very best job I ever had – being an at-home mom. Tara was born in 1991. The pay was lousy, but the perks and rewards were precious indeed. I consider myself very fortunate to have been involved so closely in their early years.
In 1999, I started working as a casual clerk for Transcona-Springfield School Division. After TSSD amalgamated with River East SD, I was hired permanently and worked at the Administration Offices up until my cancer surgery. I can honestly say I have never worked with a nicer, smarter, friendlier group of people, and I regret that my time there was so short.
I leave this world believing that I have had a good life, an interesting life, and I hope I have had a positive impact on others on my journey. When you remember me, I hope the memory brings a smile to your face.
Flowers are a nice gesture, but they only touch the family. Your donation to CancerCare Manitoba will touch many, many lives, maybe even the lives of people you know, so please give generously. Donations can be sent to:
A celebration of Lori’s life will be held ______________________ at Wheeler Funeral Chapel, ___________________.
I feel bad that her own written obituary never made it to where it really should have been and so I post it here so everyone can read it. I left the blanks mom put empty because, well, it's how I found it.
I believe this may be the last entry in this blog but I won't delete it; not now, not ever. This way we can all look back at these entries in the future and one day smile at the memories of Mom.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Best wishes to all!
Tara Lin Ludman
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Ends and Beginnings
It was a rough fight, but mom finally passed away. This morning I was woken by Nana and informed that mom was unable to speak or move. Family members rushed from here and there to be there with mom (Dad will probably have several speeding tickets... atta boy). The nurse came in and informed us that she had slipped into a coma and was passing away. Tara and Auntie Berta were both in the room when she passed away very shortly after the nurse left.
Thanks goes out to everyone who kept up with mom during this tumultuous battle. She really appreciated the visits and in her illness truly came to see how loved she was by her friends and family.
There will be a "Memorial Tea" on Thursday at 7 PM at Wheeler Funeral Chapel on Regent. All are welcome.
Thank you for coming with us on this difficult journey. While we heal and grow, we will never forget her.
--Kyra
Thanks goes out to everyone who kept up with mom during this tumultuous battle. She really appreciated the visits and in her illness truly came to see how loved she was by her friends and family.
There will be a "Memorial Tea" on Thursday at 7 PM at Wheeler Funeral Chapel on Regent. All are welcome.
Thank you for coming with us on this difficult journey. While we heal and grow, we will never forget her.
--Kyra
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tara's Update
Hey everyone!
It's been awhile since Mom last posted on EvictionTeam. She hasn't really had the strength to do it so I decided to take over keeping everyone updated in her place.
Over the past few weeks Moms been feeling weaker and weaker. She's always tired but has been having trouble sleeping. She's having alot of trouble getting around the house on her own and has to use a cane, someone as support or use the 'patient chair' (a small version of a wheelchair in case people don't know what a patient chair is). She's been spending her days watching TV, speeling and, I don't know for sure, but I would imagine reading the days away. It's a struggle for her to get up and only does so when necessary.
I overheard Nana saying we were getting a walker for Mom sometime but I don't know the final verdict on that notion. I was eavesdropping when that was discussed but they weren't talking quietly so it wasn't my fault! I was going downstairs to the kitchen to make myself some tea! It's not my fault they were at my kitchen destination!
Her throat is also weaker aswell. When she talks it sounds like she's about to cry. And I quote her comment about it to Steinhilber when he came to visit "It sounds weird to you but it feels weird to me!".
Her chin/jaw is much better now in case anyone was wondering. Her jaw can chew chewy food again but her stomach is very small now and she can't stand hard food as much anymore.
But on another note Mom is still in pretty high spirits all things considered. She is finding it harder to control her emotions lately. Any agitation in our house can cause her to become upset so it makes her happy to see smiles and whatnot all around. I'm actually tempted to go buy a 'My Little Pony' banner and tape it to her wall in her bedroom but I doubt she would find it funny for long. As much as she likes smiles and rainbows and ponies/horses (can't forget those!) she can only stand happy bright colours for so long. We are the same that way. We both prefer the stronger colours.
No 'adventures' have really happened since her last post. I graduated so Mom got her wish of being able to be there for it, and a bunch of her friends got to visit a few times. She really enjoys visits but the time limit has drastically dropped to forty-five minutes tops.
Speaking of visits Mom has recieved many bouquets of flowers and treats. She thanks you all for them! They are greatly appreciated!
One visit that happened today actually is my sisters friend, Cole I think it was, wants to jog from Mexico City to Winnipeg to raise money for cancer in my moms honour. Mom has never met Cole before, I don't know if he was at the house or if Kyra was just talking about it, and doesn't really know what to think about it. She is flattered, most deffinatly, but other than that has no idea how to react. I for one can't help but shed a few tears everytime that conversation comes to mind.
It's amazing how powerful the grape vine can be; It can wreak havoc in more ways than one but can give so much strength to the average man that they can something so magical for the less fortunate.
I don't know if Cole will really go through with it, just the fact he thought of doing such a thing brings joy to my heart. But if he's really going to jog, even if it's not the original distance he said, I for one will be forever greatful.
If anyone wants to drop by for a visit you'll need to book an appointment. I don't know the time of day that her strength is at it's fullest so drop us a call and we'll see what happends.
I won't post our number because I don't feel comfortable putting it on the internet and I don't know the privacy setting Mom set on this blog. And no we're not listed in the phone book so you'll have to get the number through the grape vine.
Oh the grape vine . . . such a complicated thing . . .
Posted by
Tara Lin Ludman
It's been awhile since Mom last posted on EvictionTeam. She hasn't really had the strength to do it so I decided to take over keeping everyone updated in her place.
Over the past few weeks Moms been feeling weaker and weaker. She's always tired but has been having trouble sleeping. She's having alot of trouble getting around the house on her own and has to use a cane, someone as support or use the 'patient chair' (a small version of a wheelchair in case people don't know what a patient chair is). She's been spending her days watching TV, speeling and, I don't know for sure, but I would imagine reading the days away. It's a struggle for her to get up and only does so when necessary.
I overheard Nana saying we were getting a walker for Mom sometime but I don't know the final verdict on that notion. I was eavesdropping when that was discussed but they weren't talking quietly so it wasn't my fault! I was going downstairs to the kitchen to make myself some tea! It's not my fault they were at my kitchen destination!
Her throat is also weaker aswell. When she talks it sounds like she's about to cry. And I quote her comment about it to Steinhilber when he came to visit "It sounds weird to you but it feels weird to me!".
Her chin/jaw is much better now in case anyone was wondering. Her jaw can chew chewy food again but her stomach is very small now and she can't stand hard food as much anymore.
But on another note Mom is still in pretty high spirits all things considered. She is finding it harder to control her emotions lately. Any agitation in our house can cause her to become upset so it makes her happy to see smiles and whatnot all around. I'm actually tempted to go buy a 'My Little Pony' banner and tape it to her wall in her bedroom but I doubt she would find it funny for long. As much as she likes smiles and rainbows and ponies/horses (can't forget those!) she can only stand happy bright colours for so long. We are the same that way. We both prefer the stronger colours.
No 'adventures' have really happened since her last post. I graduated so Mom got her wish of being able to be there for it, and a bunch of her friends got to visit a few times. She really enjoys visits but the time limit has drastically dropped to forty-five minutes tops.
Speaking of visits Mom has recieved many bouquets of flowers and treats. She thanks you all for them! They are greatly appreciated!
One visit that happened today actually is my sisters friend, Cole I think it was, wants to jog from Mexico City to Winnipeg to raise money for cancer in my moms honour. Mom has never met Cole before, I don't know if he was at the house or if Kyra was just talking about it, and doesn't really know what to think about it. She is flattered, most deffinatly, but other than that has no idea how to react. I for one can't help but shed a few tears everytime that conversation comes to mind.
It's amazing how powerful the grape vine can be; It can wreak havoc in more ways than one but can give so much strength to the average man that they can something so magical for the less fortunate.
I don't know if Cole will really go through with it, just the fact he thought of doing such a thing brings joy to my heart. But if he's really going to jog, even if it's not the original distance he said, I for one will be forever greatful.
If anyone wants to drop by for a visit you'll need to book an appointment. I don't know the time of day that her strength is at it's fullest so drop us a call and we'll see what happends.
I won't post our number because I don't feel comfortable putting it on the internet and I don't know the privacy setting Mom set on this blog. And no we're not listed in the phone book so you'll have to get the number through the grape vine.
Oh the grape vine . . . such a complicated thing . . .
Posted by
Tara Lin Ludman
Friday, June 12, 2009
A Rough Couple of Weeks . . .
For the last four days I have been trying to log in and make a post, but I kept getting an error message. Finally I got on tonight. Lots of catching up to do.
On June 2, I had a CT scan and saw Dr. Cutie on the 4th. The results of the scan are not good. The tumor has grown to about 9 centimetres. The chemo I was on was not working either to shrink the tumor or to allay the cancer side effects (the fluid build up around my organs) so I have been taken off chemo. There are no other chemo drugs that will do anything for me.
Since there are no further treatment options, I have been referred to palliative care at St. Boniface General Hospital. I spoke to one of their reps today; sounds like an excellent organization.
The fluid buildup got bad again, so I saw Dr. Cutie again on June 8. This time they drained off 3.25 litres. Picture in your mind a four litre milk jug and take out three cups of milk. The milk left in the jug is how much they drained from me. You can imagine how much of a relief it was to have the burden of that weight taken off. It is coming back; I can feel it. I will likely have to be drained again next week. Lucky for me it's a very easy procedure.
I had an adventure last Friday. I went out into our backyard, took a couple of steps along the sidewalk, and keeled over. It was almost as if someone turned my legs off because they just went out from under me. I landed on my chin and split it open by about a centimetre and a half, and my jaw is out of whack right now, but otherwise I am uninjured. The worst part is that I can't chew because of my jaw; my teeth don't line up. This makes eating very difficult, doubly so because I am very hungry. Being off the chemo has brought my appetite back.
Anyway, my folks took me to Concordia's emergency room. I was seen almost immediately, was checked over, X-rayed (no breaks or cracks in the bones), and my split chin was fixed up. For those of you who have thought my use of Crazy Glue to cover paper cuts, guess what they used on my chin! Crazy Glue! Medical grade of course, in a sterile little bottle.
Well, that's all I have to report right now. Have a great weekend!
-- Lori
On June 2, I had a CT scan and saw Dr. Cutie on the 4th. The results of the scan are not good. The tumor has grown to about 9 centimetres. The chemo I was on was not working either to shrink the tumor or to allay the cancer side effects (the fluid build up around my organs) so I have been taken off chemo. There are no other chemo drugs that will do anything for me.
Since there are no further treatment options, I have been referred to palliative care at St. Boniface General Hospital. I spoke to one of their reps today; sounds like an excellent organization.
The fluid buildup got bad again, so I saw Dr. Cutie again on June 8. This time they drained off 3.25 litres. Picture in your mind a four litre milk jug and take out three cups of milk. The milk left in the jug is how much they drained from me. You can imagine how much of a relief it was to have the burden of that weight taken off. It is coming back; I can feel it. I will likely have to be drained again next week. Lucky for me it's a very easy procedure.
I had an adventure last Friday. I went out into our backyard, took a couple of steps along the sidewalk, and keeled over. It was almost as if someone turned my legs off because they just went out from under me. I landed on my chin and split it open by about a centimetre and a half, and my jaw is out of whack right now, but otherwise I am uninjured. The worst part is that I can't chew because of my jaw; my teeth don't line up. This makes eating very difficult, doubly so because I am very hungry. Being off the chemo has brought my appetite back.
Anyway, my folks took me to Concordia's emergency room. I was seen almost immediately, was checked over, X-rayed (no breaks or cracks in the bones), and my split chin was fixed up. For those of you who have thought my use of Crazy Glue to cover paper cuts, guess what they used on my chin! Crazy Glue! Medical grade of course, in a sterile little bottle.
Well, that's all I have to report right now. Have a great weekend!
-- Lori
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
What a Beautiful Day . . .
Hiya, folks!
It sure is a beautiful day out there with the sunshine, a light wind, and warmth. FINALLY!
I'm feeling better this week than I have for the last couple of weeks. I'm getting better sleep because of a very simple thing: I changed the sheets on my bed. Since I have no body fat, I get cold very quickly, so we put microfibre sheets on my bed and I have been sleeping in flannel pajamas. I was warm as toast all winter long. In the last few weeks, however, I have noticed that I was waking up every time I had to roll over, and I had a hard time rolling over. Not that I toss and turn much in bed, but I thought it was odd, waking up every time and finding it such hard work. Then it came to me: flannel and microfibre act a bit like velcro in that they stick together, so every time I tried to roll over, it was quite a chore. So we changed my bed sheets to cotton percale. Problem solved. I still wear my flannel jammies, though.
My hands are still tingly from last week's oxalyplatin treatment, but it is wearing off. I notice it most early in the morning.
I have been feeling much better since Dr. Cutie drained the fluid from around my organs. I used to feel about nine months pregnant; now I feel about six months pregnant. Probably the biggest difference is that it changed my centre of gravity. With the load of fluid, my balance was a little off and now I am a bit better balanced. Also, I was able to go and buy some maternity jeans that fit so I am no longer stuck in coveralls. Loved the coveralls, but they weigh about ten pounds and are trickier to get on and off than jeans, especially when you have to get to the bathroom in a hurry.
We got out to my sister's to see the horses on Saturday. Unfortunately, Pearl was a bit gimpy so we didn't even attept any riding. I wasn't feeling very strong myself, so I was happy to just give her a good grooming and lots of ear scratching.
I should tell you that Rusty has fast become a part of the family. He has exceptionally good manners for a dog that wasn't raised as a housedog. Now if only he would stop shedding.
Enjoy your afternoon!
-- Lori
It sure is a beautiful day out there with the sunshine, a light wind, and warmth. FINALLY!
I'm feeling better this week than I have for the last couple of weeks. I'm getting better sleep because of a very simple thing: I changed the sheets on my bed. Since I have no body fat, I get cold very quickly, so we put microfibre sheets on my bed and I have been sleeping in flannel pajamas. I was warm as toast all winter long. In the last few weeks, however, I have noticed that I was waking up every time I had to roll over, and I had a hard time rolling over. Not that I toss and turn much in bed, but I thought it was odd, waking up every time and finding it such hard work. Then it came to me: flannel and microfibre act a bit like velcro in that they stick together, so every time I tried to roll over, it was quite a chore. So we changed my bed sheets to cotton percale. Problem solved. I still wear my flannel jammies, though.
My hands are still tingly from last week's oxalyplatin treatment, but it is wearing off. I notice it most early in the morning.
I have been feeling much better since Dr. Cutie drained the fluid from around my organs. I used to feel about nine months pregnant; now I feel about six months pregnant. Probably the biggest difference is that it changed my centre of gravity. With the load of fluid, my balance was a little off and now I am a bit better balanced. Also, I was able to go and buy some maternity jeans that fit so I am no longer stuck in coveralls. Loved the coveralls, but they weigh about ten pounds and are trickier to get on and off than jeans, especially when you have to get to the bathroom in a hurry.
We got out to my sister's to see the horses on Saturday. Unfortunately, Pearl was a bit gimpy so we didn't even attept any riding. I wasn't feeling very strong myself, so I was happy to just give her a good grooming and lots of ear scratching.
I should tell you that Rusty has fast become a part of the family. He has exceptionally good manners for a dog that wasn't raised as a housedog. Now if only he would stop shedding.
Enjoy your afternoon!
-- Lori
Friday, May 22, 2009
Paracentesis on a Friday Afternoon . . .
This week's chemotherapy was the hard drugs that make my hands tingly and seizy, so I haven't been able to e-mail or update my blog. Today they are feeling not too bad, so I figured I'd better update the blog.
I have been feeling very tired and lethargic the last couple of weeks. The pain hasn't been too bad but it's still there, and being tired makes the pain harder to cope with. Monday after my chemo I had the worst bout of hand seizing I've experienced so far and it lasted into Tuesday, but it has since worn off. I still am getting the tingly fingers today, however.
The fluid buildup around my internal organs was terrible last weekend. The biggest my girth measurement had been was 35 inches. On Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, it was 36 inches, and crept up to 36.5 inches on Monday. I was in misery! Every move I made caused gurgling and fluid shifting and pressure on my innards, so I phoned the doctor and got in today for paracentesis.
For those of you unfamiliar with paracentesis, it means draining off the excess fluid using a large-bore blunt needle. First Dr. Cutie thumped my abdomen all over to see where the best place to insert the needle would be. He injected some anesthetic, then poked in a small bore sharp needle to see if any liquid would come out and how fast it would drain. After removing the small needle, he put the large-bore needle in. The one used on me was about five inches long but I'm not sure how far they jabbed it in. I couldn't feel it at all.
The large-bore needle is attached to a length of medical hose with a needle on the end. The needle is inserted into a suction jar so that the suction in the jar draws out the fluid inside your body. In all, they took out a litre and a half of liquid from my abdomen. I feel much less pressure in my abdomen and just wish I could have had this done last Friday! It really is a simple procedure - practically painless - and doesn't take very long at all. I do have a bandage on my side where the needles were inserted, but that just means I can't bathe until Monday when the bandage comes off.
It sure is nice to walk outside these days and see the trees blushing green with their new leaf growth. I could wish for it to be about five degrees warmer out, but I'll be thankful for what we get as long as it doesn't snow again!
Have yourselves a great weekend.
-- Lori
I have been feeling very tired and lethargic the last couple of weeks. The pain hasn't been too bad but it's still there, and being tired makes the pain harder to cope with. Monday after my chemo I had the worst bout of hand seizing I've experienced so far and it lasted into Tuesday, but it has since worn off. I still am getting the tingly fingers today, however.
The fluid buildup around my internal organs was terrible last weekend. The biggest my girth measurement had been was 35 inches. On Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, it was 36 inches, and crept up to 36.5 inches on Monday. I was in misery! Every move I made caused gurgling and fluid shifting and pressure on my innards, so I phoned the doctor and got in today for paracentesis.
For those of you unfamiliar with paracentesis, it means draining off the excess fluid using a large-bore blunt needle. First Dr. Cutie thumped my abdomen all over to see where the best place to insert the needle would be. He injected some anesthetic, then poked in a small bore sharp needle to see if any liquid would come out and how fast it would drain. After removing the small needle, he put the large-bore needle in. The one used on me was about five inches long but I'm not sure how far they jabbed it in. I couldn't feel it at all.
The large-bore needle is attached to a length of medical hose with a needle on the end. The needle is inserted into a suction jar so that the suction in the jar draws out the fluid inside your body. In all, they took out a litre and a half of liquid from my abdomen. I feel much less pressure in my abdomen and just wish I could have had this done last Friday! It really is a simple procedure - practically painless - and doesn't take very long at all. I do have a bandage on my side where the needles were inserted, but that just means I can't bathe until Monday when the bandage comes off.
It sure is nice to walk outside these days and see the trees blushing green with their new leaf growth. I could wish for it to be about five degrees warmer out, but I'll be thankful for what we get as long as it doesn't snow again!
Have yourselves a great weekend.
-- Lori
Thursday, May 14, 2009
A Tough Couple of Weeks . . .
I haven't posted anything since May 1 (shame on me), but it has been a very tough couple of weeks. I sat down at the computer a few times to write, but the words just wouldn't come so I never got anything written.
The first week of May I was in a lot of pain. Although I always seem to have pain in my abdomen in the upper right quadrant - around the liver area - this pain was more generalized through my abdomen and just sucked the life out of me. Some days I had trouble just getting out of bed because I knew a long day stretched out ahead of me. How much easier to just lie there and let the day pass without me. But, being a little stubborn, I managed to heave myself out from between the sheets, get myself dressed, and get myself through the days. An increase in my pain medications, with Dr. Cutie's approval, of course, got me over that, and the pain slowly has subsided. I still have it but I can bear it, and again, it is more localized to my liver area.
However, as the pain subsided, gastrointestinal issues arose and I was pretty much stuck in the house. I couldn't get too far from a bathroom for fear of having an accident. This is, I think, a side effect of one of the chemo drugs because it is always worse after I have a dose of oxylaplatin. The oxylaplatin effects the nerves, causing numbness and tingling in fingers and toes, and I firmly believe it effects other nerves as well making it hard to detect when you gotta go.
This last week I have been struggling with fatique. I feel wrung out like an old dishrag, tired, stupid, and generally lethargic. While my mom whips around the house keeping it in shape, I find it takes all my energy, sometimes, just to put my shoes on. Forget walking further than a couple of blocks; I just don't have the energy. But on days when the sun is bright and the weather is warm, I do make myself walk around the block, and I do go out in the backyard and soak up the sun.
It just amazes me how differently I feel when the sun is shining. On those dark, dreary days like the one we had yesterday, even my thoughts are dark and dreary, and my energy level is lower. Days like today, even though it's still chilly out, I feel much more energized and my mood is definitely happier.
Because of all this, I haven't been able to get out to see my sister and the horses, but I am hoping to get out again soon, maybe get in a little riding, maybe just sit in their yard and watch the birds and squirrels playing in the trees. They have some squirrels that appear to be grey/red squirrel crosses because they definitely have characteristics of both types of squirrel.
Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm off to have lunch. Fortunately, the kitchen is only 15 steps away.
-- Lori
The first week of May I was in a lot of pain. Although I always seem to have pain in my abdomen in the upper right quadrant - around the liver area - this pain was more generalized through my abdomen and just sucked the life out of me. Some days I had trouble just getting out of bed because I knew a long day stretched out ahead of me. How much easier to just lie there and let the day pass without me. But, being a little stubborn, I managed to heave myself out from between the sheets, get myself dressed, and get myself through the days. An increase in my pain medications, with Dr. Cutie's approval, of course, got me over that, and the pain slowly has subsided. I still have it but I can bear it, and again, it is more localized to my liver area.
However, as the pain subsided, gastrointestinal issues arose and I was pretty much stuck in the house. I couldn't get too far from a bathroom for fear of having an accident. This is, I think, a side effect of one of the chemo drugs because it is always worse after I have a dose of oxylaplatin. The oxylaplatin effects the nerves, causing numbness and tingling in fingers and toes, and I firmly believe it effects other nerves as well making it hard to detect when you gotta go.
This last week I have been struggling with fatique. I feel wrung out like an old dishrag, tired, stupid, and generally lethargic. While my mom whips around the house keeping it in shape, I find it takes all my energy, sometimes, just to put my shoes on. Forget walking further than a couple of blocks; I just don't have the energy. But on days when the sun is bright and the weather is warm, I do make myself walk around the block, and I do go out in the backyard and soak up the sun.
It just amazes me how differently I feel when the sun is shining. On those dark, dreary days like the one we had yesterday, even my thoughts are dark and dreary, and my energy level is lower. Days like today, even though it's still chilly out, I feel much more energized and my mood is definitely happier.
Because of all this, I haven't been able to get out to see my sister and the horses, but I am hoping to get out again soon, maybe get in a little riding, maybe just sit in their yard and watch the birds and squirrels playing in the trees. They have some squirrels that appear to be grey/red squirrel crosses because they definitely have characteristics of both types of squirrel.
Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm off to have lunch. Fortunately, the kitchen is only 15 steps away.
-- Lori
Friday, May 1, 2009
What's Been Happening This Week . . .
This has been a very difficult week for me because I have been in a lot of pain.
It started Saturday. I woke up and just felt yucky with a lot of pain in my right side around my liver. I took my pain meds and felt better once they kicked in, but it's been up and down with the pain all week. As well, my digestive tract has been rather uproarious, so that I have been a little scared to get too far from home and the bathroom. It also makes me feel drained and I think that makes me more susceptible to the pain, too.
To make matters worse, I also discovered on Thursday morning that I have thrush! I had been having a sore tongue for a long time and thought it was just part of the chemotherapy. Mouth sores are common, and the chemotherapy drugs attack the fastest growing cells in your body. Your mouth membranes are some of the fastest growing, so of course they get attacked. Well, yesterday I noticed little white patches not only on my tongue but along the roof of my mouth and my cheeks. I knew immediately what it was because Elder Daughter had thrush as an infant. Fortunately, a quick call to Dr. Cutie got me the appropriate medication and I will soon be clear of the thrush, I hope.
I did a little quick checking on the internet and found that the sores at the corners of my mouth that I thought were cold sores are in fact a symptom of thrush. Over the past few weeks, the sores had come and gone but had never completely disappeared. I found a picture on the 'net that showed exactly what I have - they do look like cold sores.
In case you aren't familiar with thrush, it's an overgrowth of a yeast called Candida Albicans (there are other Candida strains that will cause it as well) that naturally grows on and in most people. Healthy people with normal immune sysems don't usually get thrush; it happens when your immune system is compromised by something like chemotherapy or HIV-AIDS infection. You can also get thrush from taking antibiotics. The antibiotics kill off the bacteria in your system that usually keep the yeast in check, causing an overgrowth. Since I have it in my mouth, every time I swallow some of the yeast goes down into my gut, so I'm hoping a lot of the gastrointestinal distress I have been experiencing will go away with the thrush. Let's hope so, anyway.
Now that the icky stuff is out of the way, let me share some pictures with you.
These two pictures were taken last week. Me and Pearl getting to know each other.
And this is Rusty, our new English Setter. Nice dog. He's very quick to learn and eager to please, plus he has very nice manners. His manners do need a little work, but he's getting to be a part of the family very quickly. Still miss Mac.
Have yourselves a wonderful weekend!
-- Lori
It started Saturday. I woke up and just felt yucky with a lot of pain in my right side around my liver. I took my pain meds and felt better once they kicked in, but it's been up and down with the pain all week. As well, my digestive tract has been rather uproarious, so that I have been a little scared to get too far from home and the bathroom. It also makes me feel drained and I think that makes me more susceptible to the pain, too.
To make matters worse, I also discovered on Thursday morning that I have thrush! I had been having a sore tongue for a long time and thought it was just part of the chemotherapy. Mouth sores are common, and the chemotherapy drugs attack the fastest growing cells in your body. Your mouth membranes are some of the fastest growing, so of course they get attacked. Well, yesterday I noticed little white patches not only on my tongue but along the roof of my mouth and my cheeks. I knew immediately what it was because Elder Daughter had thrush as an infant. Fortunately, a quick call to Dr. Cutie got me the appropriate medication and I will soon be clear of the thrush, I hope.
I did a little quick checking on the internet and found that the sores at the corners of my mouth that I thought were cold sores are in fact a symptom of thrush. Over the past few weeks, the sores had come and gone but had never completely disappeared. I found a picture on the 'net that showed exactly what I have - they do look like cold sores.
In case you aren't familiar with thrush, it's an overgrowth of a yeast called Candida Albicans (there are other Candida strains that will cause it as well) that naturally grows on and in most people. Healthy people with normal immune sysems don't usually get thrush; it happens when your immune system is compromised by something like chemotherapy or HIV-AIDS infection. You can also get thrush from taking antibiotics. The antibiotics kill off the bacteria in your system that usually keep the yeast in check, causing an overgrowth. Since I have it in my mouth, every time I swallow some of the yeast goes down into my gut, so I'm hoping a lot of the gastrointestinal distress I have been experiencing will go away with the thrush. Let's hope so, anyway.
Now that the icky stuff is out of the way, let me share some pictures with you.
These two pictures were taken last week. Me and Pearl getting to know each other.
And this is Rusty, our new English Setter. Nice dog. He's very quick to learn and eager to please, plus he has very nice manners. His manners do need a little work, but he's getting to be a part of the family very quickly. Still miss Mac.
Have yourselves a wonderful weekend!
-- Lori
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Some Good Days, Some Bad Days . . .
This has been a very eventful week for me, and most of it has been pretty good!
First off, nice weather. Nice to be out in it, nice to see the sun shining in at the windows, just all around better than it has been.
The pain of losing Mac is slowly wearing off. I still miss his little face following me outside, and I still miss his enthusiastic welcome back whenever I have been out of the house for longer than five minutes, but I know we did the right thing in having him put down because he was suffering.
Yesterday was a red letter day for me: mom and I went out to my sister's and I got to ride Pearl on my own for about an hour. It was an interesting experience both for me and for Pearl. My sister tacked her up with a saddle, which made mounting and dismounting much, much easier, and a halter. She looped the free end of the lead rope through the halter and I rode Pearl just like that, without a bridle. At first she was a little unsure of herself (as I was), but she got the hang of responding to a bit of pressure on the lead rope reins. We wandered around the training ring a bit, then did some figure eights, some sharp turns, practiced stopping, and I even got her to back up a couple of steps! That's something I've never been able to do before (mainly because nobody ever taught me how).
Then we were let out of the training ring and rode around the pasture a bit. We never got beyond a walk, but since we're both learning and still getting to know each other, that was fine with me. Besides which, I was happy to go at a slow pace and just enjoy the motion of the horse, the soft breeze blowing on my face, and the sun warming me.
Funny thing, I don't feel the least bit stiff. When I went riding years ago, I always had sore legs, and if you have ever gone riding, you know what I mean. My sister tells me that you only get stiff riding a horse if you tense up, and I managed to stay loosey-goosey and relaxed the whole time. I have also been doing some yoga stretches and such to keep what little muscle I have left nice and flexible.
I can hardly wait to go riding again! Keep your fingers crossed for good weather next week.
Today was a long day because I had both an appointment with Dr. Cutie and a CT scan. We were at HSC for over five hours. Heck, it took almost an hour just to get my bloodwork done! The news is good: I am okay to go ahead with the next round of chemotherapy. The last CT didn't show much change in the tumor, but it did show the fluid buildup around my organs. The chemo seems to be keeping that in check fairly well but doesn't get rid of it entirely.
After a visit with Dr. Cutie, we went to the CT room and I had my usual CT scan. This involves drinking two 10-ounce glasses of water with contrast solution mixed in, getting a line put into my arm for more contrast solution to be administered during the scan, then being stuck in the CT machine. The hardest part this time was the line. The nurse who put it in did a good job, got a vein the first try. But when they started the contrast solution during the scan itself, whoever started the solution just grabbed my arm and yoinked it up without warning me. It felt like the line needle turned sideways inside my arm and I was literally yelping in pain. If she had at least warned me, I would have been prepared. As it was, it hurt like heck and almost had me in tears.
I will probably not see Dr. Cutie again for six weeks, but he will call me if anything serious shows up on today's CT scan.
CAUTION! THIS PARAGRAPH MIGHT GROSS YOU OUT. I have been measuring my girth every night in order to monitor the fluid buildup. Some days I feel about nine months pregnant, some days only about four or five months. Last night I was surprised when my girth measured 34 inches around; it had been hovering around the 32 inch mark. My immediate thought was, uh-oh, the chemo has stopped working on the buildup, wonder what they'll have to do next to ease it. Then I went to bed. After about ten minutes, I got terrible gas pains and had to get out of bed and walk around to ease the pressure. Ease it I did, in several loud and smelly emissions over about half an hour. When I went back to bed, I had the bright idea of measuring my girth again, and lo and behold! Down to 32.5 inches. Wow, that was a lot of flagus!
Now that you have been properly shocked (snicker), I will bid you all a good evening. And have a great weekend too!
-- Lori
First off, nice weather. Nice to be out in it, nice to see the sun shining in at the windows, just all around better than it has been.
The pain of losing Mac is slowly wearing off. I still miss his little face following me outside, and I still miss his enthusiastic welcome back whenever I have been out of the house for longer than five minutes, but I know we did the right thing in having him put down because he was suffering.
Yesterday was a red letter day for me: mom and I went out to my sister's and I got to ride Pearl on my own for about an hour. It was an interesting experience both for me and for Pearl. My sister tacked her up with a saddle, which made mounting and dismounting much, much easier, and a halter. She looped the free end of the lead rope through the halter and I rode Pearl just like that, without a bridle. At first she was a little unsure of herself (as I was), but she got the hang of responding to a bit of pressure on the lead rope reins. We wandered around the training ring a bit, then did some figure eights, some sharp turns, practiced stopping, and I even got her to back up a couple of steps! That's something I've never been able to do before (mainly because nobody ever taught me how).
Then we were let out of the training ring and rode around the pasture a bit. We never got beyond a walk, but since we're both learning and still getting to know each other, that was fine with me. Besides which, I was happy to go at a slow pace and just enjoy the motion of the horse, the soft breeze blowing on my face, and the sun warming me.
Funny thing, I don't feel the least bit stiff. When I went riding years ago, I always had sore legs, and if you have ever gone riding, you know what I mean. My sister tells me that you only get stiff riding a horse if you tense up, and I managed to stay loosey-goosey and relaxed the whole time. I have also been doing some yoga stretches and such to keep what little muscle I have left nice and flexible.
I can hardly wait to go riding again! Keep your fingers crossed for good weather next week.
Today was a long day because I had both an appointment with Dr. Cutie and a CT scan. We were at HSC for over five hours. Heck, it took almost an hour just to get my bloodwork done! The news is good: I am okay to go ahead with the next round of chemotherapy. The last CT didn't show much change in the tumor, but it did show the fluid buildup around my organs. The chemo seems to be keeping that in check fairly well but doesn't get rid of it entirely.
After a visit with Dr. Cutie, we went to the CT room and I had my usual CT scan. This involves drinking two 10-ounce glasses of water with contrast solution mixed in, getting a line put into my arm for more contrast solution to be administered during the scan, then being stuck in the CT machine. The hardest part this time was the line. The nurse who put it in did a good job, got a vein the first try. But when they started the contrast solution during the scan itself, whoever started the solution just grabbed my arm and yoinked it up without warning me. It felt like the line needle turned sideways inside my arm and I was literally yelping in pain. If she had at least warned me, I would have been prepared. As it was, it hurt like heck and almost had me in tears.
I will probably not see Dr. Cutie again for six weeks, but he will call me if anything serious shows up on today's CT scan.
CAUTION! THIS PARAGRAPH MIGHT GROSS YOU OUT. I have been measuring my girth every night in order to monitor the fluid buildup. Some days I feel about nine months pregnant, some days only about four or five months. Last night I was surprised when my girth measured 34 inches around; it had been hovering around the 32 inch mark. My immediate thought was, uh-oh, the chemo has stopped working on the buildup, wonder what they'll have to do next to ease it. Then I went to bed. After about ten minutes, I got terrible gas pains and had to get out of bed and walk around to ease the pressure. Ease it I did, in several loud and smelly emissions over about half an hour. When I went back to bed, I had the bright idea of measuring my girth again, and lo and behold! Down to 32.5 inches. Wow, that was a lot of flagus!
Now that you have been properly shocked (snicker), I will bid you all a good evening. And have a great weekend too!
-- Lori
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Bad Days . . .
This is one of the hardest blog entries I have had to write.
The last week has been pretty tough on me and my family. Our beloved dog, Mac, has been ill, as you know if you have been reading this blog. Last Wednesday, he took a definite turn for the worse. He refused to take his medication even though we tried disguising it in several different tempting morsels. When we offered them to him, he would raise his head, sniff it, then simply turn his head away. He also stopped eating. He drank water, but wouldn't touch any food.
On top of that, as the days passed he pretty much stopped moving except to go from his water bowl to his blanket in the living room. He also became incontinent. He seemed unable to let us know when he needed to go out, but would pee wherever he happened to be. For a dog who very rarely had an accident in the house, this was humiliating for him, I am sure. He always looked ashamed, as if asking our forgiveness for peeing in the house.
We tried carrying him outside. He would find a sunny place to lie down and then stay there until we came to bring him in. A couple of times he wandered a short distance around the yard, but he couldn't go very far and became exhausted almost immediately.
We finally made the decision to have him put down. Yesterday morning my mother and children took him to the vet and he died very peacefully with all three of them with him and the girls holding him. I just couldn't face being there, so I stayed home and cried.
To make matters even more emotionally difficult, we had decided a few months ago to get another dog. Cliff has always wanted a hunting dog, so he has been looking for a trained hunting dog needing a new home. There are, believe it or not, many good dogs that need to be rescued out there, and there are many breed-specific rescue websites. Last week, Cliff was notified that he had been approved for one of the dogs he applied to adopt, so we got this new dog on Monday.
I feel almost like we betrayed Mac, bringing a new dog into he house when he was so sick, but the timing just happened and we hadn't much choice in the matter. I still feel very bad about it.
We are having Mac cremated and plan to put some of his ashes in our garden, and some out at my mom and dad's cabin in Alberta, where he loved to go every summer. As I sit here and write this, tears are streaming down my face because I loved that little mutt and no other dog will ever replace our beloved Mac.
-- Lori
The last week has been pretty tough on me and my family. Our beloved dog, Mac, has been ill, as you know if you have been reading this blog. Last Wednesday, he took a definite turn for the worse. He refused to take his medication even though we tried disguising it in several different tempting morsels. When we offered them to him, he would raise his head, sniff it, then simply turn his head away. He also stopped eating. He drank water, but wouldn't touch any food.
On top of that, as the days passed he pretty much stopped moving except to go from his water bowl to his blanket in the living room. He also became incontinent. He seemed unable to let us know when he needed to go out, but would pee wherever he happened to be. For a dog who very rarely had an accident in the house, this was humiliating for him, I am sure. He always looked ashamed, as if asking our forgiveness for peeing in the house.
We tried carrying him outside. He would find a sunny place to lie down and then stay there until we came to bring him in. A couple of times he wandered a short distance around the yard, but he couldn't go very far and became exhausted almost immediately.
We finally made the decision to have him put down. Yesterday morning my mother and children took him to the vet and he died very peacefully with all three of them with him and the girls holding him. I just couldn't face being there, so I stayed home and cried.
To make matters even more emotionally difficult, we had decided a few months ago to get another dog. Cliff has always wanted a hunting dog, so he has been looking for a trained hunting dog needing a new home. There are, believe it or not, many good dogs that need to be rescued out there, and there are many breed-specific rescue websites. Last week, Cliff was notified that he had been approved for one of the dogs he applied to adopt, so we got this new dog on Monday.
I feel almost like we betrayed Mac, bringing a new dog into he house when he was so sick, but the timing just happened and we hadn't much choice in the matter. I still feel very bad about it.
We are having Mac cremated and plan to put some of his ashes in our garden, and some out at my mom and dad's cabin in Alberta, where he loved to go every summer. As I sit here and write this, tears are streaming down my face because I loved that little mutt and no other dog will ever replace our beloved Mac.
-- Lori
Friday, April 10, 2009
A Thursday to Remember . . .
Haven't we been having beautiful weather the last few days? It could be warmer, I'll grant you that, but the calm sunshine is slowly melting away that white stuff that we have all come to hate, and the slow melt is allowing the water to drain off gradually. Our back yard was a pond last Monday; it's now more like a marsh.
This week's chemotherapy was the hard drugs so I have been suffering tingly fingers all week. Fortunately, I only had three instances of my hands seizing up. I actually find the seizing up more distressing than the tingling. The tingling hurts, and the seizing doesn't, but the seizing makes me feel helpless. The last time it happened, the seizing included my wrist as well, so from about the middle of my forearm to my fingertips, I was paralyzed.
Yesterday came the day I have been waiting for for months: I finally got to get up on a horse for the first time in about 25 years (maybe more). I'm only going to put up one picture today and will put up a few more tomorrow. The horse I am on is Pearl, and if she looks rather scruffy, it's because she is. She is shedding, but when her winter coat is finally shed out, she will be quite a nice looking mare.
I didn't really ride Pearl on my own. Because she's a new horse and is unfamiliar to us, and we are unfamiliar to her, we need to take small steps and get to know each other before we can really start riding. However, Pearl was most well-behaved and didn't seem to mind at all having me up on her back. You may notice there is no saddle; I'm riding on a bareback pad on top of a saddle blanket. It lets you feel the horse moving under you but also protects the horse's back.
I also have to say that Pearl made lots of eye contact with me both before and after our ride. My sister says she is really coming around and is becoming more friendly and engaged in what's going on around her, both with regard to the human and the horse population at my sister's.
Even though I didn't ride for long and basically just walked around the yard on Pearl, the experience was exhilarating and I can hardly wait to go again. Hopefully next time it will be dryer and I will be able to wear my cowboy boots as well as my hat (it's a nice one, don't you think?).
-- Lori
This week's chemotherapy was the hard drugs so I have been suffering tingly fingers all week. Fortunately, I only had three instances of my hands seizing up. I actually find the seizing up more distressing than the tingling. The tingling hurts, and the seizing doesn't, but the seizing makes me feel helpless. The last time it happened, the seizing included my wrist as well, so from about the middle of my forearm to my fingertips, I was paralyzed.
Yesterday came the day I have been waiting for for months: I finally got to get up on a horse for the first time in about 25 years (maybe more). I'm only going to put up one picture today and will put up a few more tomorrow. The horse I am on is Pearl, and if she looks rather scruffy, it's because she is. She is shedding, but when her winter coat is finally shed out, she will be quite a nice looking mare.
I didn't really ride Pearl on my own. Because she's a new horse and is unfamiliar to us, and we are unfamiliar to her, we need to take small steps and get to know each other before we can really start riding. However, Pearl was most well-behaved and didn't seem to mind at all having me up on her back. You may notice there is no saddle; I'm riding on a bareback pad on top of a saddle blanket. It lets you feel the horse moving under you but also protects the horse's back.
I also have to say that Pearl made lots of eye contact with me both before and after our ride. My sister says she is really coming around and is becoming more friendly and engaged in what's going on around her, both with regard to the human and the horse population at my sister's.
Even though I didn't ride for long and basically just walked around the yard on Pearl, the experience was exhilarating and I can hardly wait to go again. Hopefully next time it will be dryer and I will be able to wear my cowboy boots as well as my hat (it's a nice one, don't you think?).
-- Lori
Monday, April 6, 2009
Just a Reminder . . .
Dear Readers,
This is just a short note to remind you to leave your name when you leave a comment. Otherwise, I have no idea who you are. I have been trying to figure out how to add a name as a requirement to post a comment but haven't been able to get it to work. Until then, please be kind and leave your name.
To the person that had a car stolen twice: That, fortunately, is something I have never dealt with, but I can imagine how aggravating and upsetting it was!
-- Lori
This is just a short note to remind you to leave your name when you leave a comment. Otherwise, I have no idea who you are. I have been trying to figure out how to add a name as a requirement to post a comment but haven't been able to get it to work. Until then, please be kind and leave your name.
To the person that had a car stolen twice: That, fortunately, is something I have never dealt with, but I can imagine how aggravating and upsetting it was!
-- Lori
Sunday, April 5, 2009
There is Still Magic . . .
Wasn't the sun just beautiful yesterday??? After so many days of dark dreariness, the bright sunshine really lifted my spirits.
We went out to visit my sister and The Herd in the afternoon, and I had a magical moment with one of the horses. Pearl, the new mare, has been rather standoffish. Horses are a bit like people and dogs in that eye contact is an important part of their social interaction with each other and with other creatures. Pearl so far has been reluctant to make eye contact. When you talk to her or scratch her ears, she tends to turn her head away or to stare straight ahead of her, a sign that she doesn't really feel comfortable. It's almost like she's apathetic and doesn't care one way or the other what you do with her.
The other horses are a different story. They have no problem at all with eye contact. They will not only stare you out of countenance, they will shove their big faces right into yours and gaze into your eyes with a look that says, "Hi, howya doing? I love you. Got any cookies?" And if you don't have a treat for them, they don't care; they'll just snuffle you all over until they get bored and wander off.
Yesterday I gave Pearl a bit of a comb with the shedding brush and pulled off lots of hair, then I kind of stuck with her, petting her and scratching her ears and her cheeks and under her chin. She is of a size where, when I stand by her head, we see pretty much eye to eye. As I was scratching her ears, she suddenly turned her eye to me and looked right into my eyes and held the look for a few seconds. It was almost as if she was saying, "Thanks, that feels good." If horses could smile, I would say she smiled at me.
It was a magical moment for me, that sudden, short connection. I can't really explain how it made me feel, but it was wonderful! It rather took me by surprise, too, because she has never looked me in the face before and I expected her to just wander away when she was tired of having me rub her head and face. And I certainly didn't expect any magic.
Just had to share that with you.
-- Lori
We went out to visit my sister and The Herd in the afternoon, and I had a magical moment with one of the horses. Pearl, the new mare, has been rather standoffish. Horses are a bit like people and dogs in that eye contact is an important part of their social interaction with each other and with other creatures. Pearl so far has been reluctant to make eye contact. When you talk to her or scratch her ears, she tends to turn her head away or to stare straight ahead of her, a sign that she doesn't really feel comfortable. It's almost like she's apathetic and doesn't care one way or the other what you do with her.
The other horses are a different story. They have no problem at all with eye contact. They will not only stare you out of countenance, they will shove their big faces right into yours and gaze into your eyes with a look that says, "Hi, howya doing? I love you. Got any cookies?" And if you don't have a treat for them, they don't care; they'll just snuffle you all over until they get bored and wander off.
Yesterday I gave Pearl a bit of a comb with the shedding brush and pulled off lots of hair, then I kind of stuck with her, petting her and scratching her ears and her cheeks and under her chin. She is of a size where, when I stand by her head, we see pretty much eye to eye. As I was scratching her ears, she suddenly turned her eye to me and looked right into my eyes and held the look for a few seconds. It was almost as if she was saying, "Thanks, that feels good." If horses could smile, I would say she smiled at me.
It was a magical moment for me, that sudden, short connection. I can't really explain how it made me feel, but it was wonderful! It rather took me by surprise, too, because she has never looked me in the face before and I expected her to just wander away when she was tired of having me rub her head and face. And I certainly didn't expect any magic.
Just had to share that with you.
-- Lori
Friday, April 3, 2009
At Least When My Mouth is Sore, I Tend to Keep Quiet . . .
One of the things they drill into your head when you start chemotherapy is to keep healthy - as healthy as possible - and avoid catching any flu, cold, or other bugs that are spreading through the community. In fact, throughout the Cancercare building there are stations with waterless handwashing solution, kleenex, and even boxes of masks that, if you have a communicable illness, you are supposed to wear while you are there. Every washroom has big posters that you can't avoid seeing extolling the virtues of handwashing in the prevention of disease.
I have been extremely fortunate in that I haven't picked up any bugs in the last few months. However, I am now suffering from an outbreak of a bug that, once it is in your system, stays forever - Herpes simplex!
Don't get all panicky, people, I'm talking about cold sores, not genital herpes or any of the other nasty forms Herpes can take.
I can only distinctly remember having three cold sores in my life. Well, Tuesday I noticed that the left corner of my mouth was sore, almost like I had scratched it with a cracker and got salt in it. It got sorer and sorer. Wednesday morning both sides of my mouth were involved. Thursday morning when I got up, I wandered into the kitched, yawning as I did, and felt the sores on each side crack open. The one on the left promptly began to bleed, quite profusely for such a small crack.
There are several of you readers, I know, that often suffer from cold sores. I now understand the pain you feel when you have a breakout, because I've never had such painful sores in my life. I have found something that alleviates the pain - Bio Oil. It probably doesn't do anything to cure the sore itself, but it does lubricate and soften the sore and so is very soothing. Plus it smells nice.
Thanks for letting me vent, folks. I have been so careful avoiding viruses, now one that I've had for years is giving me grief. Just hadda get that off my chest.
-- Lori
I have been extremely fortunate in that I haven't picked up any bugs in the last few months. However, I am now suffering from an outbreak of a bug that, once it is in your system, stays forever - Herpes simplex!
Don't get all panicky, people, I'm talking about cold sores, not genital herpes or any of the other nasty forms Herpes can take.
I can only distinctly remember having three cold sores in my life. Well, Tuesday I noticed that the left corner of my mouth was sore, almost like I had scratched it with a cracker and got salt in it. It got sorer and sorer. Wednesday morning both sides of my mouth were involved. Thursday morning when I got up, I wandered into the kitched, yawning as I did, and felt the sores on each side crack open. The one on the left promptly began to bleed, quite profusely for such a small crack.
There are several of you readers, I know, that often suffer from cold sores. I now understand the pain you feel when you have a breakout, because I've never had such painful sores in my life. I have found something that alleviates the pain - Bio Oil. It probably doesn't do anything to cure the sore itself, but it does lubricate and soften the sore and so is very soothing. Plus it smells nice.
Thanks for letting me vent, folks. I have been so careful avoiding viruses, now one that I've had for years is giving me grief. Just hadda get that off my chest.
-- Lori
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Darned Vandals . . .
One look out the window today, and I know I will be sticking close to home. Mother Nature sure is dragging this spring thing out as long as she can, isn't she? I wish she'd get her butt in gear and just let spring happen without all the stormy, snowy bits.
I titled this blog entry "Darned Vandals" because my car was vandalized over the weekend. Not terribly seriously, like years ago when my poor little Ford Fiesta had its tires slashed, windshield wipers torn off, a window smashed, and graffiti in black marker scribbled all over it. All they did was tear off the driver's side mirror. But still, with all I'm going through, I really didn't need the additional aggravation and hassle of getting my car fixed because some idiot decided to have some "fun" at my expense.
Chemotherapy went well this week; it is the week with the easier drugs. I am still shedding hair at a higher than average rate but you cannot yet tell that it's dropping out. Once I get looking ratty, I'm shaving my head.
The fluid buildup around my organs is remaining pretty constant, fluctuating between 31 and 32 inches so I am physically fairly comfortable. It still causes pain but I have really good drugs.
Mac is doing about the same as he was when I posted last. His cough is happening less often but seems to be more severe when it happens. The poor thing just hacks and hacks and hacks, and there is really nothing we can do for him. The vet called last night and confirmed that the growth in his mouth is a sarcoma (cancer) of the cartilage. Fortunately, it is a slow growing cancer that takes a long time to spread to other parts of the body, so his heart will likely give out before cancer can take him. As I have said before, the cancer could probably be removed but the vet thinks Mac's chances of surviving the surgery are pretty low given his heart condition. Sigh!
That's all I have to report today. I'm not going to say another word about this weather. Every time I do, we seem to get snow.
-- Lori
I titled this blog entry "Darned Vandals" because my car was vandalized over the weekend. Not terribly seriously, like years ago when my poor little Ford Fiesta had its tires slashed, windshield wipers torn off, a window smashed, and graffiti in black marker scribbled all over it. All they did was tear off the driver's side mirror. But still, with all I'm going through, I really didn't need the additional aggravation and hassle of getting my car fixed because some idiot decided to have some "fun" at my expense.
Chemotherapy went well this week; it is the week with the easier drugs. I am still shedding hair at a higher than average rate but you cannot yet tell that it's dropping out. Once I get looking ratty, I'm shaving my head.
The fluid buildup around my organs is remaining pretty constant, fluctuating between 31 and 32 inches so I am physically fairly comfortable. It still causes pain but I have really good drugs.
Mac is doing about the same as he was when I posted last. His cough is happening less often but seems to be more severe when it happens. The poor thing just hacks and hacks and hacks, and there is really nothing we can do for him. The vet called last night and confirmed that the growth in his mouth is a sarcoma (cancer) of the cartilage. Fortunately, it is a slow growing cancer that takes a long time to spread to other parts of the body, so his heart will likely give out before cancer can take him. As I have said before, the cancer could probably be removed but the vet thinks Mac's chances of surviving the surgery are pretty low given his heart condition. Sigh!
That's all I have to report today. I'm not going to say another word about this weather. Every time I do, we seem to get snow.
-- Lori
Friday, March 27, 2009
Yesterday's Appointment . . .
As I expected, yesterday's appointment with Dr. Cutie was basically just to touch base about the side effects of the chemo. We also talked about pain control because the pain is, over time, getting worse. When it's bad, it's like someone has thrust a sharp dagger up under my right ribs, making moving around rather a trial. Basically, for pain control, the doc says to take as much medication as I need; if it gets to where I am needing a certain amount per day, he will give me stronger drugs.
We asked about the size of the tumor. It appears that it hasn't grown much, if at all, since the MRI in January. I would much rather have heard that the tumor had shrunk, but them's the brakes.
On the brighter side, on Tuesday Transcona Collegiate's Global Issues Group held a CancerCare fundraising talent show concert, where they raised over $350.00 for CancerCare. There sure are some talented students at our schools! The last half of the concert was a band called Premonition that played for about half an hour - very good music, very professionally done, and all by four high school kids. I was impressed.
Mac the dog seems to be holding his own, although his hacking cough seems to be getting a bit worse. We should be seeing the vet next week to find out if the growth in his mouth is cancer or not.
That's it for me today. Have yourselves a wonderful weekend!
-- Lori
We asked about the size of the tumor. It appears that it hasn't grown much, if at all, since the MRI in January. I would much rather have heard that the tumor had shrunk, but them's the brakes.
On the brighter side, on Tuesday Transcona Collegiate's Global Issues Group held a CancerCare fundraising talent show concert, where they raised over $350.00 for CancerCare. There sure are some talented students at our schools! The last half of the concert was a band called Premonition that played for about half an hour - very good music, very professionally done, and all by four high school kids. I was impressed.
Mac the dog seems to be holding his own, although his hacking cough seems to be getting a bit worse. We should be seeing the vet next week to find out if the growth in his mouth is cancer or not.
That's it for me today. Have yourselves a wonderful weekend!
-- Lori
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
How Things Are Going . . .
This being the second week of my second round of chemotherapy with the new drugs, I have tingly hands today, so this may be a very short post. At least I haven't had any hand seizures so far; they usually start right after the chemo treatment, but I didn't have any yesterday and hope I don't have any today. Also, the fluid buildup continues to disipate. I have now gone from a high of 35 inches around to about 32 and am feeling much more comfortable.
I have noticed that my hair is starting to fall out, not in great clumps, thank goodness. It's more like I'm shedding more hair than usual. It's sort of funny how I realized it was coming out. I have a habit of running my fingers through my hair when I'm thinking or reading, and I was leaning up against a white pillow reading. When I got up and glanced down at the pillow, why, there was a pile of hair on the pillow! Yikes! I ran my hand through my hair and found about 20 hairs between my fingers. Ran my fingers through the hair on the other side of my head. More hair!!!
Every day I spend a few minutes just running my fingers through my hair, straining out the loose ones so I'm not shedding all over the house. Fortunately, I have lots of hair to lose, so I'm not getting anywhere near looking ratty yet. But if it continues at this rate, you might just see me with a shaved head one of these days!
Mac the dog is doing well on his medication. After he gets his heart medication, he goes for several hours with no hacking coughs, and he does seem a bit livelier; at least he doesn't look as sad and tired as he did a couple of weeks ago. He is still sleeping a lot, but he is rather ancient for a dog.
Last Friday afternoon the folks and I got out to visit The Herd. The weather was overcast but warm, so we spent about 45 minutes messing with the horses. In particular, we groomed Pearl, the new addition, and combed a few bird's nests worth of winter coat off of her. She is looking much better now that she is used to her new home. Bear gave me lots of love and nibbled me all over, as usual.
Saturday night mom and I went to the symphony to hear a piece of music I had heard about many times but never listened to: Modest Musorgsky's Pictures From An Exhibition. It was beautiful! We had a wonderful evening out, mom and I.
My hands are starting to stiffen up, so I had best leave off for now. I will update the blog after we see Dr. Cutie on Thursday.
Don't let this miserable, drab weather get you down. Warmer days are a-comin'!
-- Lori
I have noticed that my hair is starting to fall out, not in great clumps, thank goodness. It's more like I'm shedding more hair than usual. It's sort of funny how I realized it was coming out. I have a habit of running my fingers through my hair when I'm thinking or reading, and I was leaning up against a white pillow reading. When I got up and glanced down at the pillow, why, there was a pile of hair on the pillow! Yikes! I ran my hand through my hair and found about 20 hairs between my fingers. Ran my fingers through the hair on the other side of my head. More hair!!!
Every day I spend a few minutes just running my fingers through my hair, straining out the loose ones so I'm not shedding all over the house. Fortunately, I have lots of hair to lose, so I'm not getting anywhere near looking ratty yet. But if it continues at this rate, you might just see me with a shaved head one of these days!
Mac the dog is doing well on his medication. After he gets his heart medication, he goes for several hours with no hacking coughs, and he does seem a bit livelier; at least he doesn't look as sad and tired as he did a couple of weeks ago. He is still sleeping a lot, but he is rather ancient for a dog.
Last Friday afternoon the folks and I got out to visit The Herd. The weather was overcast but warm, so we spent about 45 minutes messing with the horses. In particular, we groomed Pearl, the new addition, and combed a few bird's nests worth of winter coat off of her. She is looking much better now that she is used to her new home. Bear gave me lots of love and nibbled me all over, as usual.
Saturday night mom and I went to the symphony to hear a piece of music I had heard about many times but never listened to: Modest Musorgsky's Pictures From An Exhibition. It was beautiful! We had a wonderful evening out, mom and I.
My hands are starting to stiffen up, so I had best leave off for now. I will update the blog after we see Dr. Cutie on Thursday.
Don't let this miserable, drab weather get you down. Warmer days are a-comin'!
-- Lori
Friday, March 20, 2009
About My Dog . . .
Every dog has its day, they say, so today is our dog's day to have a blog post.
Those of you who have met Mac recently know that he has had a growth on his mouth that showed up around the end of December. In the last few weeks he has also developed a really dry, hacky cough. Since Mac is about 15 years old and is getting deaf, blind, and very lame, I have been hoping that one day we'll wake up and find that he has passed peacefully during the night.
That hasn't happened yet, so we finally decided he needed to see the vet. I really didn't want to take him in myself because I was so worried the vet would condemn him to death immediately and I didn't think I could bear it. But, as usual, taking him to the vet fell to me; fortunately, the consequences weren't anywhere near as bad as I thought they might be.
Mac has a heart arrhythmia so his heart, instead of going dub-dub, dub-dub, dub-dub like a normal heart, goes dub-dub, dub-dub, dub-dub-dub, dub-dub. In other words, one side of his heart sticks in an extra beat once in a while. His heart is also enlarged because it's doing more work than it really should do. The enlarged heart is pressing against his airway causing the hacky cough.
The growth on his mouth probably is cancer, but if we can get his heart back into normal rhythm, the vet thinks it can be surgically removed. There is no sign that it has metastasized on the x-ray they took, so that's good news.
All in all, for a dog of his age, he isn't in bad shape. At least we aren't having to face putting him down right away. He's on antibiotics for the growth and heart medication for the arrhythmia, so we'll see how he makes out over the next few weeks and go from there.
On a brighter note, since this day is looking pretty good, I'm headed out to my sister's this afternoon for some equine therapy.
Have a wonderful weekend!
-- Lori
Those of you who have met Mac recently know that he has had a growth on his mouth that showed up around the end of December. In the last few weeks he has also developed a really dry, hacky cough. Since Mac is about 15 years old and is getting deaf, blind, and very lame, I have been hoping that one day we'll wake up and find that he has passed peacefully during the night.
That hasn't happened yet, so we finally decided he needed to see the vet. I really didn't want to take him in myself because I was so worried the vet would condemn him to death immediately and I didn't think I could bear it. But, as usual, taking him to the vet fell to me; fortunately, the consequences weren't anywhere near as bad as I thought they might be.
Mac has a heart arrhythmia so his heart, instead of going dub-dub, dub-dub, dub-dub like a normal heart, goes dub-dub, dub-dub, dub-dub-dub, dub-dub. In other words, one side of his heart sticks in an extra beat once in a while. His heart is also enlarged because it's doing more work than it really should do. The enlarged heart is pressing against his airway causing the hacky cough.
The growth on his mouth probably is cancer, but if we can get his heart back into normal rhythm, the vet thinks it can be surgically removed. There is no sign that it has metastasized on the x-ray they took, so that's good news.
All in all, for a dog of his age, he isn't in bad shape. At least we aren't having to face putting him down right away. He's on antibiotics for the growth and heart medication for the arrhythmia, so we'll see how he makes out over the next few weeks and go from there.
On a brighter note, since this day is looking pretty good, I'm headed out to my sister's this afternoon for some equine therapy.
Have a wonderful weekend!
-- Lori
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Chemotherapy Begins Again . . .
Yesterday was the first day of a new round of chemotherapy with the same drugs I had the last round. This first week I got the two "easy" drugs with only a few side effects, so I am expecting to have not too bad a week.
I haven't heard from Dr. Cutie about what the CT scan showed, so I am assuming I won't hear until I see him on March 26. As of Sunday night, the fluid buildup around my organs was at its highest - my waist measured 35 inches around. The highest it had been before was 33.5 inches. Since I measure every night, I should know in the next couple of days if the chemotherapy is working to reduce it again. I hope it does; it's probably the worst thing I am dealing with right now because the buildup makes it hard to take a deep breath, hard to find a comfortable sleeping position, and it also makes eating more difficult because it puts pressure on my stomach and I feel full right away. So I am trying to eat lots of little meals instead of three big ones every day.
On the brighter side of things, haven't we been having beautiful weather these past few days? It has been such a lift to my spirits to be able to go outside and sit on my front step in the afternoon and just soak up the sunshine. I am also enjoying not having to be bundled up in all the accoutrements of winter (coat, boots, hat, scarf, etc.) and being able to throw on a light jacket and gloves to go outside. I stood in our backyard for a few minutes yesterday afternoon and just listened to the water dripping off the buildings; it sounded like it was raining, the water is melting so quickly!
My parents have been enjoying the melt as well. They are very active people and will do any little job that needs doing. For the past few days, they have been working on keeping the front sidewalk clear of water and shovelling away as much slushy snow as possible. Our front sidewalk, by the way, is pretty much a lake during the spring melt because it dips down right in front of our gate. This is a job I usually do because it's a good excuse to play in the puddles. I guess my folks enjoy playing in the puddles as much as I do!
Another few days like this and the snow will be pretty much gone. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
I really want to get out to see my sister and the herd on Friday, and the forecast so far looks good. I'm hoping that as soon as the snow is gone, and my sister's new mare is healed up from an injury, we'll be able to do a little riding. I haven't been on a horse in probably 25 years, so I am very much looking forward to it. I've even been doing yoga stretches to get my legs in shape for the long strech across the saddle!
Here's hoping the warm weather holds!
-- Lori
I haven't heard from Dr. Cutie about what the CT scan showed, so I am assuming I won't hear until I see him on March 26. As of Sunday night, the fluid buildup around my organs was at its highest - my waist measured 35 inches around. The highest it had been before was 33.5 inches. Since I measure every night, I should know in the next couple of days if the chemotherapy is working to reduce it again. I hope it does; it's probably the worst thing I am dealing with right now because the buildup makes it hard to take a deep breath, hard to find a comfortable sleeping position, and it also makes eating more difficult because it puts pressure on my stomach and I feel full right away. So I am trying to eat lots of little meals instead of three big ones every day.
On the brighter side of things, haven't we been having beautiful weather these past few days? It has been such a lift to my spirits to be able to go outside and sit on my front step in the afternoon and just soak up the sunshine. I am also enjoying not having to be bundled up in all the accoutrements of winter (coat, boots, hat, scarf, etc.) and being able to throw on a light jacket and gloves to go outside. I stood in our backyard for a few minutes yesterday afternoon and just listened to the water dripping off the buildings; it sounded like it was raining, the water is melting so quickly!
My parents have been enjoying the melt as well. They are very active people and will do any little job that needs doing. For the past few days, they have been working on keeping the front sidewalk clear of water and shovelling away as much slushy snow as possible. Our front sidewalk, by the way, is pretty much a lake during the spring melt because it dips down right in front of our gate. This is a job I usually do because it's a good excuse to play in the puddles. I guess my folks enjoy playing in the puddles as much as I do!
Another few days like this and the snow will be pretty much gone. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
I really want to get out to see my sister and the herd on Friday, and the forecast so far looks good. I'm hoping that as soon as the snow is gone, and my sister's new mare is healed up from an injury, we'll be able to do a little riding. I haven't been on a horse in probably 25 years, so I am very much looking forward to it. I've even been doing yoga stretches to get my legs in shape for the long strech across the saddle!
Here's hoping the warm weather holds!
-- Lori
Friday, March 13, 2009
A Visit With Dr. Cutie . . .
Yesterday we saw Dr. Cutie for an update on how things are going.
Firstly, I had had a CT scan on March 6, but the imaging department for some reason didn't compare the results to my latest MRI. Instead, they compared it to the CT scan I had in October, so Dr. C is going to have them redo the comparison. Therefore, I don't know if Charlene has grown, shrunk, or stayed the same.
Secondly, we start the next round of chemo on Monday. My blood looks good, my weight is up about seven pounds, I am tolerating the side effects well, so we're good to go.
Thirdly, the chemo definitely alleviated the fluid buildup around my organs, but it all came back during the past two weeks with no chemo. I look about five months pregnant. I was actually able to wear blue jeans for a week or so but I'm now back in overalls so I don't have anything tight around my waist (I find it quite uncomfortable to have anything tight around my middle). Dr. Cutie suggested that we start the chemo and, if the fluid doesn't drain off in the first week or so, we'll drain it the old-fashioned way with a big needle. He also suggested that we may try eliminating the two-week chemo vacation and instead administer the two "easy" chemo drugs during those weeks (Leukovorin and Fluorouracine) and see if that keeps the fluid off.
That's where things stand at the present time.
I sure am enjoying the sunshine we have had the past few days. Even though it has been chilly, the strength of the sun is definitely increasing. Soon, I hope, the snow will be melting and we'll finally get to spring.
-- Lori
Firstly, I had had a CT scan on March 6, but the imaging department for some reason didn't compare the results to my latest MRI. Instead, they compared it to the CT scan I had in October, so Dr. C is going to have them redo the comparison. Therefore, I don't know if Charlene has grown, shrunk, or stayed the same.
Secondly, we start the next round of chemo on Monday. My blood looks good, my weight is up about seven pounds, I am tolerating the side effects well, so we're good to go.
Thirdly, the chemo definitely alleviated the fluid buildup around my organs, but it all came back during the past two weeks with no chemo. I look about five months pregnant. I was actually able to wear blue jeans for a week or so but I'm now back in overalls so I don't have anything tight around my waist (I find it quite uncomfortable to have anything tight around my middle). Dr. Cutie suggested that we start the chemo and, if the fluid doesn't drain off in the first week or so, we'll drain it the old-fashioned way with a big needle. He also suggested that we may try eliminating the two-week chemo vacation and instead administer the two "easy" chemo drugs during those weeks (Leukovorin and Fluorouracine) and see if that keeps the fluid off.
That's where things stand at the present time.
I sure am enjoying the sunshine we have had the past few days. Even though it has been chilly, the strength of the sun is definitely increasing. Soon, I hope, the snow will be melting and we'll finally get to spring.
-- Lori
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