A Tough Couple of Weeks . . .

I haven't posted anything since May 1 (shame on me), but it has been a very tough couple of weeks. I sat down at the computer a few times to write, but the words just wouldn't come so I never got anything written.

The first week of May I was in a lot of pain. Although I always seem to have pain in my abdomen in the upper right quadrant - around the liver area - this pain was more generalized through my abdomen and just sucked the life out of me. Some days I had trouble just getting out of bed because I knew a long day stretched out ahead of me. How much easier to just lie there and let the day pass without me. But, being a little stubborn, I managed to heave myself out from between the sheets, get myself dressed, and get myself through the days. An increase in my pain medications, with Dr. Cutie's approval, of course, got me over that, and the pain slowly has subsided. I still have it but I can bear it, and again, it is more localized to my liver area.

However, as the pain subsided, gastrointestinal issues arose and I was pretty much stuck in the house. I couldn't get too far from a bathroom for fear of having an accident. This is, I think, a side effect of one of the chemo drugs because it is always worse after I have a dose of oxylaplatin. The oxylaplatin effects the nerves, causing numbness and tingling in fingers and toes, and I firmly believe it effects other nerves as well making it hard to detect when you gotta go.

This last week I have been struggling with fatique. I feel wrung out like an old dishrag, tired, stupid, and generally lethargic. While my mom whips around the house keeping it in shape, I find it takes all my energy, sometimes, just to put my shoes on. Forget walking further than a couple of blocks; I just don't have the energy. But on days when the sun is bright and the weather is warm, I do make myself walk around the block, and I do go out in the backyard and soak up the sun.

It just amazes me how differently I feel when the sun is shining. On those dark, dreary days like the one we had yesterday, even my thoughts are dark and dreary, and my energy level is lower. Days like today, even though it's still chilly out, I feel much more energized and my mood is definitely happier.

Because of all this, I haven't been able to get out to see my sister and the horses, but I am hoping to get out again soon, maybe get in a little riding, maybe just sit in their yard and watch the birds and squirrels playing in the trees. They have some squirrels that appear to be grey/red squirrel crosses because they definitely have characteristics of both types of squirrel.

Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm off to have lunch. Fortunately, the kitchen is only 15 steps away.

-- Lori