My Vacation . . .

Hiya, Folks!

The weather out there is a little more acceptable, isn't it? Even though it's overcast and rather dreary out, I'll take the warmer temperature gladly!

The Old Boot and I got out to see Bear yesterday and had a really nice visit with my sister, bro-in-law, and the horses. The horses were pretty frisky; you can tell they like the warmer weather too. Bear is such a nibbler; we spent about an hour outside with the horses, and about half of that hour we were pushing him away to stop him mouthing our jackets and warning him off nibbling our boots and trying to grab our mittens. We didn't get any new pictures because Younger Daughter, our official photographer, had homework and couldn't come along.

So this week is going to be a little different for me since I have no chemotherapy today. I'm glad of the break. Over the past few weeks. I have noticed a distinct pattern developing that tells me the chemotherapy is at least having some effect on me. On most days, I feel pretty good: I have some energy (a little more all the time), I can function not too badly, I can do a little housework and get through the mundane chores without much trouble. However, I do have one day a week that is unlike the others. Wednesdays are terrible days for me.

On Wednesdays, the full effect of the chemo drug takes hold. The odd thing is that I still feel not too bad physically; the greatest effect is on my state of mind. Physically, I feel like I have a touch of the flu, a little feverish, a little achy, just kind of blah and under the weather. Mentally, I am a basket case. On all the other days of the week I am cheerful and hopeful, but on Wednesdays, it's almost like I have a major depression. My thought processes are sluggish - don't ask me to make a decision because I can't. Everything looks bleak and hopeless. All I want to do is crawl into a warm, safe place and sleep.

I think of these days as the day the black dog comes to visit. Winston Churchill referred to his depression as the black dog, and it seems appropriate because, like a faithful dog, he sticks close. Yell at him, beat him with a stick, order him into a corner, doesn't matter, he always comes back.

So this week, with no chemo, I can look forward to a Wednesday without a visit from the black dog. My next rounds of chemo will be shorter, with three weeks of chemo then a vacation week. I noticed that every Wednesday the blackness got worse so I'm hoping shorter courses mean the depression I feel will be less severe.

I really count my lucky stars, though. A lot of cancer patients have depression that they have to fight every single day. I guess I should be able to handle being sad one day out of every week.

-- Lori